Spoiler Alert #1 - Home Alone (1990)

by Rhyme Time

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The first installment (second, really, if you count "The Warriors" song on Topanga) of Rhyme Time's "SPOILER ALERT" series. The best classic movies retold as rap songs. Let us know what songs you'd like to see added to the series!

lyrics

ACT I
It’s Christmas time, we’re at the end of the calendar
So the house is packed to the brim with a thousand McCallisters
Aunts, uncles and grandmothers, they’re housin’ the travelers
Everything’ll be alright unless they can’t count their passengers
And in the middle is Kevin, he’s eight and feeling oppression
He tried to eat a little pizza but they saved him nothing
His brother Buzz threatens to barf a slice
Kevin’s had enough, now it’s time to start a fight!
The plane tickets get wetter than Fuller’s mattress
Kevin’s in the attic just wishing his fam would vanish
They wake up in a panic, overslept ‘cause the power went out
(Wouldn’t you know?) The neighbor kid threw off the headcount
Now they’re rushing through the airport—they gotta go!
Somehow they don’t notice that their second grader’s home alone
Kevin’s wish came true but what’s he gonna do
About the creepy old man and the crook with the gold tooth?

ACT II
It’s the first day on his own and Kevin’s already in his zone
Kid eating junk food by the pound, watching gangster movies—he’s actin’ grown
His family finally figures it out, they left little Kevin alone in the house
And now the Wet Bandits are plannin’ on takin’ him out
But he’s in the mood to misbehave and sees right through their masquerade
So Kevin ain’t stressin’ unless he’s slapping on some aftershave
These heavies have to be desperate to mess with Kevin, he’s deadly
He says “When those guys come back, I’ll be ready”
The McCallisters are stuck watching Jimmy Stewart with boredom
While Kevin’s throwin’ a party with mannequins and Michael Jordan
From Paris to Pennsylvania, mom’s just trying her best
She’s stuck in a truck with Gus: Polka King of the Midwest
Santa gives him Tic-Tacs, the countdown’s begun
He tells Old Man Marley just to call his son
If the Bandits wants trouble, they can come and get it
Cause this is his house and Kevin’s gotta defend it

ACT III
While his family’s on vacation, Kevin’s making preparations
From the attic to foundation there’s no point of penetration
Where he hasn’t set a trap to cause ‘em massive devastation
To do damage to the Bandits if they want a confrontation
Starts out strong, BB Gun to the balls
And now they’re slippin’ and falling down, they oughta retreat but they want it all
See, they got greedy, now they’re both facing repercussions
Getting burns and broken bones plus a couple crazy concussions
Tarred and feathered, they can’t weather the storm
‘Cause Kevin’s better, too clever, paint cans’ll leave ‘em deformed
Tarantula got’em screaming got you feeling like “poor Marv…”
Then Harry get crushed with the crowbar so hard
Next door, Kevin gets caught—he’s in trouble
Til Old Man Marley starts swinging that shovel
The next morning, Kevin wakes up alone
And then his second wish comes true when his family comes home

credits

released December 22, 2016
Produced by B.B.Z. Darney
Engineered, Mixed and Mastered by Chance Clift
Written and performed by Rhyme Time

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Rhyme Time Salt Lake City, Utah

Since his last album, "Topanga," was released in 2013, a lot has changed for the Rhyme Time (including his name).

His group, House of Lewis, won City Weekly’s Best of Utah Music competition, performed at the state’s largest music festival–the Twilight Concert Series (with Flying Lotus and Run the Jewels), and competed on NBC’s hit show America’s Got Talent.

And now, "GNARLY" is here.
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